I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize