Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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