I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize