nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize