doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The Olympian is in my bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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