how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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