and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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