Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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