Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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