I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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