I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize