I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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