Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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