come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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