I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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