i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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