its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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