one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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