ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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