someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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