I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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