that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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