i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I want is dick and wine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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