I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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