why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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