Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize