I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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