I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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