I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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