If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The ass gains better be worth it
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