Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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