I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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