this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You took a bar mat shot.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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