dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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