she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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