Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he thought i was a dude.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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