Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize