we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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