How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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