I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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