There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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