So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I am morally bankrupt
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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