before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize