I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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