your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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