You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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