When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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