I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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