Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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