How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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